100 Questions/ 31-40

31. What are you grateful for?

My education. 

32. Whom are you envious of?

People who walk around without painful family baggage that would impede their ability to relax and let themselves fall into their lives, trusting that somehow it’ll all be just fine.

33. What’s an image you’ll never forget?

The door being opened to the house where I first lived when I came to this country.

34. Describe a near-death experience.

The closest experience I have to that was a week when instead of sleeping I had non-stop panic attacks – I actually thought I was going to lose my sanity. At the end of that week, I called my mother to tell her about having been abused by my father ten years earlier. I had held it all in until then, buried it, to cope. There was a point in that week when I didn’t want to be alive anymore. Thank God I did not act on that thought. But that’s the level of pressure it took for me to end the silence – it had to get absolutely unbearable to keep going as I had until that point. It’s safe to say that week was the rock bottom I needed to hit in order to begin to heal – largely without the help of my family. But I had friends I could talk to, and I was able to reach out for professional help. I still felt high levels of anxiety after that phone call for some time, but never again as bad as that. 

35. If you had a clone, what would you have the clone do?

Go to work for me so I can afford to stay at home to write and create?

36. What’s your idea of Heaven?

No more heartache over what I long for and don’t have, no more grieving for the losses, no more helplessness in the face of other people’s suffering, knowing fully how loved I am, that I’m good as I am, and that I’m finally safe… 

37. What’s your idea of Hell?

Not being able to see the good in people or in myself. Having no faith in the possibility of unconditional love. Being blind to beauty. Having no hope that there is more than I can see. Not being able to trust.

38. When did you know?

When I went on my first 8-day silent retreat. 

39. What can you do better?

Sometimes, having compassion with myself. I’m practising.

40. When are you most yourself?

When I am creating.

 

(The questions are taken from this source.)

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