Yes Too Much. (The Trouble With) How We Live

I’m saying Yes too much.

People around me in crisis-mode, as so often, too often. 

Me trying to teach others kindness to themselves by being kind, by listening, by offering support.

I’m saying Yes too much.

In-between hearing what everybody needs,

what do I need?

In-between knowing everyone else’s struggle,

do I get sustenance to live mine?

In-between saying Yes a lot to others –

do I say Yes to myself enough?

He said, You are such a servant, meaning it

as something admirable somehow, and I

am touched by his words, touched by

what they teach me about him, and

yet I wonder why

I say Yes so much, I wonder if 

being

such a servant

is what I want.

I think I’d rather they knew 

how to look after themselves.

I’d rather we didn’t run into a crisis

every other month.

I’d rather have balance between everyone’s kindness instead of

having my own stand out. 

I’d rather not feel the need to make

things better 

when it doesn’t mend the cause.

In-between saying Yes too much

I’m pretty angry 

that this is how we live.

And then I say No more often

for a while –

 

until I say Yes again.

Why?