For the New Year

If there is anything I’d like us all to take into the new year as intentions to strive towards, it’s for all of us to be ever more who we truly are and to always do more of what truly gives us joy and life and satisfaction. 

We all have dreams and wishes and hopes, however hidden and quiet they may be in us. I do believe that taking some small step towards these dreams, no matter how small, does make a difference.

I try to be faithful to my dreams, to what I hope for, to what I find joy in. This is what keeps me going in every other aspect of my life.

Writing, for instance, is essential to me. But while I may write rather openly about personal experience on this blog, I have not yet found the courage to send poems out to magazines etc, trying to get some of my texts published or printed somewhere. I’ve not yet felt ready for that. The idea of sending them out actually gets in the way of getting anything written.

But I do write.

And I sign myself up for writing classes, that’s a new thing that happened this year. I have taken the next step in that I now discuss my writing in a group of writers, I open myself to constructive feedback and suggestions for improvement, and I’m glad I’m doing this. Small steps that matter.

I’d love to commit more to this work of mine, year by year. The writing matters to me, I need and want to write, and I feel that there is something else in it that will matter more and more in the future, opportunities and purpose that will grow ever more meaningful. And I keep writing my way into that. I don’t know what shape this will take, but I keep taking small steps forward.

And yes, I’d love to really go for it. To make this my main concern, my main work, and not something I try to fit in beside everything else. I want to give myself permission to want this, to really care. 

“I gave myself permission to care. Because there are a lot of people in this world who are afraid of caring, or afraid of showing that they care because it’s uncool. It’s uncool to have passion. It’s so much easier to lose when you have shown everyone how much you don’t care if you win or lose. It’s much harder to lose when you show that you care. But you’ll never win unless you also stand to lose. Basically, and I’ve said it before, don’t be afraid of your passion. Just give it free reign and be honest, and work hard, and it will all turn out just fine.”

(Tom Hiddleston)

I want to give myself permission to make this my priority – to arrange other things in my life, like my job, as secondary items on the priority list. So the job does not have to be amazing. It just has to pay the rent and food, and leave me energy enough for what I really want to do. And I hope I’ll create something more like this in the new year.

But until then, I will take as many small steps every day as I can. Whether that means I read a poem or I write one, or I notice something beautiful or I go to writing class or I step back from other opportunities to keep space free for the writing – it’s all part of committing, of pursuing, of the work.

I’m generally not a fan of New Year’s intentions. But this matters a lot to me, and while I don’t yet feel that I’ve fully given myself permission to go for it, I work towards getting there, I give myself as much encouragement as I can, and I do what I can until I get to point A and from there to points B-Z, whatever they may be. I’ve started this journey already, many years ago, and it’s becoming a more and more conscious and committed and persistent choice, and I want all of these small choices to become a life.

“We all have two lives.

The second begins when we realise that we only have one.”

(not sure who actually said that first)