Sunday

I just slept for 12 hours. It was needed, and I’m grateful that my body took over what my head couldn’t solve.

This means, I’m awake at 8am on a Sunday morning, without an alarm clock having had to annoy me, and I rather like it. Time for me – before, for the next 5 days, it’s all time for others again. Not an ideal situation.

When I agreed to it, it didn’t sound quite like this…

I feel scared of failing a lot at the moment, feeling overwhelmed with what needs doing at work. It feels like I’m incompetent – even though I know, theoretically, that it’s much more to do with having taken on two jobs that together cannot be done in 5 days. And the boundaries between those 2 jobs are pretty invisible as well, so my brain is constantly having to deal with both at the same time, and my actual, permanent job, doesn’t get done because of the temporary second role.

So I’m grateful for having today away from all of it, and to rest, and be with myself, and savour whatever beauty and enjoyment will come my way. And to find a reminder here and there that I’m okay.

It’s likely I’ll be writing.

It’s likely I’ll go out.

I hope at some point the headache will disappear, and relaxation will set in… I wonder if the headache is a symptom of caffeine deprivation.

I hope my mind will be with good things… (Not with dreams as scary as last nights – and no, it had nothing to do with Halloween.)

I hope I’ll feel a bit less exhausted after today, less under pressure.

Peace be with me…

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