Autumnal Mindfulness – Day 1…

Autumn mist is hanging low over the city. I love the feel of the season settling in, that it’s noticeable even here, so far from fields and forests… I’m not liking the decreasing amount of light in each day very much though; that never feels good. Already counting the days until the tide turns again…

On my way to work this week, I walked past a robin sitting on a garden fence, just a metre away from me, comfortable and cheerful, and happy to have me stop and stand so close and looking at it. I don’t know why, but I’m fond of small birds like this one – sparrows, robins, blackbirds, finches – everything small and feathery, beautiful but not flashy – and cheerful, at least in my perception. 

Today, I started an 8 week course on Mindfulness – meeting the group, the facilitator, the venue… The course takes place at a Friends’ Meeting House, which is lovely. The atmosphere suits the purpose of our course. 

Part of why I do the course is my hope that mindfulness practice might help me to develop better emotional boundaries – I tend to absorb other people’s emotions like  a sponge, whether they talk about what’s going on for them or not. I just very often feel it either way, and I often get really stressed that way. As an introvert I already need quite a bit of space in my days and in my week to be by myself, and balance time spent with people. Practicing being in the present moment, on purpose, without judging the experience – which is, in a nutshell, what mindfulness is  – might well help me to process whatever is going on in and around me, and to know what is going on for me and what is going on for others…

After today, I do know that I will very likely practice these boundaries every time the course meets – the group is full of people who are stressed and anxious and all kinds of other things that I sponge up as usual… And today contained a lot of talking to everybody, a lot of quite personal stuff packed into some small talk. Even though this is not meant to be a therapeutic group, a lot of emotional luggage is brought into the room. 

I wonder how this will go.

For now, I’m in need of silence, solitude and space. And also time with friends to chat about what’s going on, to move through it – and on. It’s only few people that works with. 

I got “homework” from now on… Pausing to check in with myself how I feel – excellent idea, this. And daily bodychecks – going from toe to head to see what’s happening in my body. It’s meant to be relaxing too… 

So I notice my stress/emotional overload. I feel it without trying to judge it or change it. Or at least that’s what I’m told to do. My mind surely has other plans. 

Practice…