Tired of On-My-Own

Who’d have thunk that I’d ever quote Tom Jones…

There are things I could do today. I have time. I could go out. There are things happening in the city that I would enjoy. But I don’t go. I stay at home, because it’s not enjoyable on my own.

I’ve done everything on my own for years, pretty much always, and I’m so tired of it sometimes. Everybody seems to have a life, family and friends and all that, and I am still sitting here, not knowing who to call when I want to go out to an exhibition or a Christmas market or whatever. I miss some friends who live too far away now. With some people, I’m sure, I take myself “out of the party” because I think I’m not wanted or not needed. With others, it feels like too much of an effort, too much small talk, and no real connection or conversation. There aren’t many people I can actually relax with. 

And I know I’m not the only one! This city is full of people like me. And we don’t know how to start talking with each other.

So I sit at home – or rather, in the room I live in, which isn’t home. It’s just a place. 

And from time to time, I get like this. From time to time it matters that it’s like this. 

And then I let myself feel it for a while, and then I tell myself to get a grip, stop whining and let it go.

Sometimes it’s okay to do nothing for a day, and leave it at that. For today, it’s enough to be here.

It’s a quiet day. And it’s restful. And I’ll take a deep breath, put the kettle on, and watch “Friends” or something… 

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