On The Edge

“What the saints and mystics say is that some event, struggle, relationship, or suffering in your life has to lead you to the edge of your own resources. There has to be something that you by yourself cannot understand, fix, control, change, or even begin to deal with. It is the raw experience of ‘I cannot do this.’ All you can do at this point is wait and ask and trust.”

Richard Rohr

(…and in my case, write.) 

It’s good to read something like this just now, while I feel that I am at the “edge of my resources”, in terms of vocation/future discernment. I’ve tried everything I know how to try and it’s going nowhere, at least in my perception – who knows what God is thinking, and who knows what God’s timing is anyway. It’s just that after I have run against various inner and outer walls with increasing speed and determination, I end up sinking back to the ground discouraged. I don’t have the resources to do this on my own. And all my attempts so far of finding someone to walk this way with me have failed. So what is left for me to do? Wait. Ask. Trust. The only way to learn these things is to have no other choice, it seems. It’s strange, I just realised that the last time I had to learn this was in the struggle about my past. Now it’s about my future. I wonder when I will arrive in the here and now.

(Thanks, Bill, for the quote.) 

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