…on the whole religious life discernment thinking? While I am still sifting through all the things that come up to tell me it’s all nonsense and don’t I have anything better to do – no, nothing’s changed.
I still want it. It’s still by far the best life I can think of for myself. The best life I can see as possible and within my reach. And even when I get stuck in psychological self-analysis and visions of the miraculous appearance of a slightly more regular romance in my life, I never for one moment lose the sense that this is it for me. And trust me, I don’t know why.
Just thought I’d mention that somewhere in-between.
I explained to my boss recently that sometimes I respond to ideas that I like with a list of “but…”s – in order to remove all the obstacles that could possibly get in the way. So I can then fully enjoy it. Shows maybe a slightly pessimistic worldview but I do not like being happy only to find out that I was wrong and that there was nothing to be happy about in the first place (we all have one of those on occasion, right…?).
Maybe it’s not the time right now. For me or for the Community. Okay. But God knows what is happening here. And I’ve got to trust that.
